I discovered my wife Emily, 28, of seven years, is cheating on me. She doesn’t know that I know. Here is update seven, where I met John’s wife and my mother-in-law. A lot has happened, so I’ll go through it in order.
I don’t have the credit card records yet, but my lawyer successfully got a gag order. That means Emily and John won’t be notified of the subpoena until we get the records. I expect a huge crap storm from Emily when she gets the news. She’ll try to turn the narrative in any angle she can to avoid coming off as some kind of crazy hooker.
I met John’s wife, Lisa. She was devastated by all of this, but not surprised. She told me John cheated on her when she was pregnant with their third child. We talked about the sequence of events, especially towards the end, when John got more and more invested in my wife.
We talked about New Year’s Eve. Lisa said she had taken their three kids to Orlando for the holidays. John came, but then left early and wasn’t there for New Year’s Eve. Lisa said John FaceTimed her during the countdown, and she is 100 percent certain he was at their house.
She was so pissed, to the point of tears. She had someone check the ring camera footage, and sure enough, there was John and Emily both arriving in John’s car, with him pulling her into the house. She didn’t look very excited to be there, but she wasn’t struggling either. Emily had driven her own car on New Year’s Eve, so I don’t know what happened.
I told Lisa at least Emily didn’t get pregnant from the guy. Lisa assured me it wasn’t possible, or at least not probable. After she caught John cheating after the third kid, she demanded he get a vasectomy as part of the conditions of staying together. She drove him to the appointment herself because she didn’t trust him.
Now Lisa has put my lawyer on retainer, so we’re going to be divorce buddies, I guess. We’re forming a little club where we have sleepovers, eat s’mores, braid each other’s hair, and spill the tea. It’s going to be great. Lisa shared a bunch of stuff with me: more communications between John and Emily.
John begs her to see him, compliments her, tells her he bought a new outfit for her and wants to see her in it. The timeline of messages had her being friendly at first, but growing more and more cold over time. Poor John. I asked Lisa if she was aware of John’s lingerie fetish.
She said she could probably open a resale store with just her stuff alone. Just to head off any comments: Lisa and I are supporting each other through this. We alone know what the other is going through. She asks me all kinds of questions about Emily.
I tell her I don’t want to know a thing about John. Sex is pretty much the furthest thing from my mind. Honestly, I don’t think I could get it up for anyone who’s been with John. I lowkey hate the guy.
Also, my lawyer told me to be really careful about being around Lisa because we’re both going for an at-fault divorce. Us being physically close in any proximity could look like we’re having an affair, which would count against both of us in our divorces. Always do what your lawyer tells you to do. I moved out of the Residence Hotel and into the Airbnb remodel.
My role there will just be painting some sheetrock, laying down vinyl plank flooring, and letting the service people in and out of the place at all hours. It’s a welcome distraction from everything that’s going on. It’s kind of funny, this place. It has a thoroughly modern kitchen.
The fridge has a touchscreen tablet embedded in it. This kitchen could hack into the Pentagon and turn them all vegan. The rest of the house is a crap pit. The AC works, and it’s got a new roof and internet though, so I’m happy.
I unblocked my mother-in-law. We chatted a bit over text, just surface-level stuff. She asked to meet me and promised that Emily would not be there. I wanted to see her, so I agreed to meet her in a remote spot.
I told her that if Emily was there, I’d immediately leave and cut her off forever. She agreed, and we met. Emily was not there. She teared up when she saw me and said I looked so thin.
She took me to her car and unloaded a ton of groceries on me. She bought me eggs, chicken, some steaks, homemade soup, homemade cookies, my favorite spinach casserole that she made, and a ton of fruits and vegetables. She told me to start eating well or she was going to move in with me and nag me until I did. I almost took her up on that.
Being alone sucks. We chatted some, and towards the end she started doing that thing where you want to talk but you know you can’t. Lots of starts and stops as she was trying to find a loophole in my conditions. I felt sorry for her, so I told her we could talk about one thing.
I know I shouldn’t have caved, but that’s the reason I ghosted Emily. I cave around people who are emotional like that. I just want them to feel okay and to be the person responsible for them feeling okay. The loophole she invoked was that she didn’t want to talk about Emily.
She wanted to talk about reconciliation. I told her what I wrote in these posts and comments: marriage to Emily is over. Even if we were to get back together, which we won’t, it will be over because we’re different people now. I told mother-in-law that Emily wants to reconcile with the person I was before I found out the truth about her.
I treated her great. I was a good husband. I was loyal and loving. That person doesn’t exist anymore.
The person I am now would treat her daughter badly. I would probably lash out, verbally abusing her all the time. I would be miserable thinking about what she’s doing every time she walks out the front door, and I’d make her daughter miserable too. Emily would no longer love me because I’d be this sad, miserable shadow of who I was.
I wouldn’t be the guy she fell in love with. I’m different now. Emily might say she loves me, but anyone can say anything. All I have to go by are her actions, and her actions tell me she’s only sorry she got caught.
She is not taking accountability for willingly destroying our marriage. There’s no possible magical phrase she can say that will make me okay with what she did. I can’t forget about it. I told mother-in-law I have evidence she’s not privy to that will back up my claims that Emily knew what she was doing and that she’s not a victim in this.
Mother-in-law was very interested in seeing it, and I told her she will when my lawyer says it’s okay. I mentioned what I’ve said before about Emily being with John and then coming home and kissing me without brushing her disgusting mouth first. I think that hit home. Mother-in-law looked mortified.
Mother-in-law talked about therapy for us both individually and together and said she’d pay for it. She said she’d been reading online about reconciliation and that it’s possible. I told her I read about it too. The stories that stand out to me are the ones where the person who cheated was remorseful and did the work, but after a number of years pass, they cheat again and are not remorseful, and they leave the cheated-on person who took them back for the affair partner.
Only now there are kids involved. The most successful reconciliations I’ve heard of are with two people who don’t fully trust each other and never will. I would either be the suicidal sucker or a loving husband who has cruel emotional outbursts and PTSD moments. I asked her if she would want to live like this.
She agreed she wouldn’t. I told her that Emily is not telling her the whole story and that I have evidence that this was a willing, ongoing affair and not sexual assault or coercion or grooming. I told her to get Emily into therapy so that she can maybe try to fix whatever inside her caused her to do this terrible thing. If she were able to fix that about herself and be loyal, she’d make a great partner.
She’s only 28. She’s very beautiful. She has no kids and a successful business. I told her there were probably hordes of guys waiting to marry and have kids with Emily, and that mother-in-law could still count on having grandkids, but just not from me.
She said she wished I would think about it. I told her I’ve already gone over every possible future Emily and I have in my spare time, and I just can’t do it. Emily betrayed me. I told Emily’s mom that she needed to either get a lawyer for Emily or get Emily to sign whatever offer my lawyer puts in front of her.
I was kind of hoping for a default judgment, but I think I’ll have no such luck. Emily’s family will probably get her a lawyer, and then crap hurricane Emily will blow through my life for a bit until we’re finally done with this. Divorce is a flaming hellscape we all crawl through alone. I have no kids with her, thank God, so I’ll be able to make a clean break of it when this is all done.
I’ll never be able to effing forget this crap, though. It’s always going to be a part of me, and that sucks. It effing sucks that a person can mark another person so heavily that they are always scarred by it. Maybe it’s a healthy thing that I’m more distrustful, standoffish, and skeptical about people now.
But I can’t help but think that my being changed like this would have really upset my Mom. It’s probably a good thing she didn’t live to see this version of me. Let’s go to the community for a reaction or two. First up: Did you get any insight on the version of events that was given to your mother-in-law?
When given one subject to talk about, she instantly went to reconciliation. But anyone who’s been given the list of facts that you provided here would know that is absolutely impossible. So, is your mother-in-law under a different impression of what happened, such as believing Emily was coerced or unwilling, or that it was such a short affair than it was? Is she aware of the more lurid details of Emily’s affair?
Also, do you think your mother-in-law’s request for reconciliation is out of concern for you and Emily’s best interest, or is it possible she is trying to avoid being the mother of a publicly divorced adulterer daughter? OP replies: Yeah, I think she knows with her head that reconciliation is not possible. It’s just that she has to come to that realization in her gut, and I think that’s going to come in the later stages of grief. I didn’t talk too much about Emily besides shutting down reconciliation.
I think she wants to preserve the marriage because she doesn’t want to lose me either. She has two daughters. I’m funny and helpful, and sister-in-law’s husband is a little standoffish. So I think she does think of me as a son, especially since my mom died.
I did a lot of handyman work and computer maintenance for them, so I think she’ll miss that too. Next person says: How well did your mother-in-law know your mom? If they were close or friends, she may feel obligated to protect you on behalf of your mom, even potentially from her own daughter once she learns more about her daughter’s actions and motivations. OP replies: They got to know each other when it became apparent that Emily and I were serious about each other.
They weren’t best friends, but they were friendly. I think my mom was too geeky for her. My mom liked reading and sci-fi and fantasy, and Emily’s mom is a crazy plant lady, so they didn’t have a lot in common. I helped her plant her vegetables and herb garden, and she was really appreciative of that.
Emily’s dad was appreciative of the help digging the soil. I think she’s really disappointed that The Golden Child turned out to be brass. But she still loves Emily, and she should. They’re not going to throw her out on the street for being a hussy or anything, but I do think their relationship is going to change in a big way.
One more quick quip: Does John know that Emily accused him of having coerced her? OP replies: I shared Emily’s email with Lisa, so she knows. I think reading John’s gross comments about effing my wife and my wife’s body and his emails are what’s really devastating to her. She can’t get over it, and I really feel sorry for her.
She’s a very attractive fit woman, but she’s still in her mid-to-late 40s and a mom of three, while my wife is 28 and beautiful and has never had kids. That must really be effing with her psyche and self-esteem. The whole reconciliation angle is wild. It sounds like she’s grasping for some version of damage control, either for Emily’s sake or maybe her own, so she doesn’t have to face the reality of being the mother of a serial cheater.
But you laid it out perfectly. There’s no going back to who you were before, and even if you could, it wouldn’t be worth it. At the end of the day, mother-in-law’s tears don’t change the facts. Keep walking the path that you’re on, OP.
Thanks for the journey. What would you do if you found out your spouse was living a double life? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below. Thank you for joining us today on Ourspace.
Be sure to like and subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don’t miss out on our next video. Until next time.
