“They canceled my flight,” I said into the stream, scrolling through my messages again. “They basically told me I have nowhere to sleep. ”
Fans were asking about Singapore, but the trip I’d been excited about had just fallen apart. My mom and dad were staying in a serviced apartment there, and it only had two bedrooms.
The plan was simple: mom and dad take the main bedroom, and I crash in the second one. Except my dad couldn’t stay in that room. Ever since his brain surgery, his body temperature went haywire. He’d get so hot that they had to lower the thermostat to like 14 or 15 degrees just so he could feel normal.
My mom couldn’t handle the cold, so she moved into the second bedroom with my aunt—her best friend, not my real aunt. That left no room for me. So instead of flying out to be with my dad, I was stuck in the Philippines, trying to figure out where I’d even sleep if I went. A hotel was too expensive.
An Airbnb wasn’t allowed in Singapore. And I’d messaged every friend I had there, but they’d all either left the city or weren’t around. “They said maybe I can come when he starts radiation,” I told the chat. “They don’t know when.
”
I was mid-stream, showing off the photo of the sign we’d bought together on a previous stream—the one that said “I love you” and sat in my parents’ apartment window. I zoomed in so people could see it. “See that? Remember that?
” I said. “They actually put it up. ”
The timing was the hard part. My dad went to bed at 8 p.
m. If I flew over and came home late, I’d wake him up. Even if I stayed with a friend, I’d have to sneak around a place I didn’t know, and the whole point was to see him. Waking him up would just derail his recovery.
I couldn’t do that to him. Then someone in the chat asked the question I’d been dodging all stream. “How much did the surgery cost? ”
“Two hundred thousand,” I said, the number feeling heavier every time I said it.
“We maxed out all our credit cards. ”
My dad didn’t have insurance. He said he didn’t believe in it. So the whole family had to cover the cost out of pocket.
And it wasn’t just his surgery draining us. My brother was going through cancer treatment too. My dad had been paying for that as well, but now that priority had to shift. “My brother will probably have to pay for his own treatment now,” I said.
“But his wife has insurance, so I think he’ll be okay. He just probably won’t fly to Singapore anymore. ”
I let that sit for a moment. Two people I loved, both sick, both relying on a family that was running out of funds.
And here I was, trying to stream for a few extra dollars, hoping the audience would grow enough to make a difference. “I’m not going to put this on you guys,” I said. “But if you have ideas for collabs, or you’re just lurking and supporting the stream, that really helps. I’ve been working on some covers.
Once I release them, streaming those helps too. ”
I cracked a joke about pulling a Justin Bieber move, telling people to play my future songs at low volume in the background to boost the numbers. It felt silly, but this was my only real way to contribute from thousands of miles away. “I reached out to Wolfsbane about a collab,” I said.
“She said ‘let’s collab when you’re here,’ but I haven’t heard back. Maybe she’s just buried in messages. ”
I scrolled through my phone and pulled up some cosplay photos I’d been meaning to share. There was a shot of me in my Haru Urara costume with the cherry blossoms.
“Took these myself after stream,” I said. “Too good of an opportunity to pass up. ”
I mentioned my plans to start voice acting soon, and told people to follow my Instagram and TikTok. The follower count mattered more than just vanity now.
“I need a minimum of 10K to get into those events,” I explained. “The ones where you get free stuff. Then I can stream it for you guys. ”
The chat kept cheering me on, gifting subs and sending little virtual carrots.
One viewer, Illuby’s, gifted fifty-five subs that day. I thanked him for the first sub of the month, which meant more than he probably realized. “I basically keep eating this lucky carrot until everyone comes to stream,” I joked. The truth was, I felt stuck between two places.
I wanted to be with my dad, but there was no bed for me in that apartment. I wanted to help pay for everything, but the money wasn’t coming fast enough. Every time I thought about flying to LA for that 100 Thieves party I’d been invited to, the ticket price and the timing made it impossible. “It’s too many cooks in the kitchen if I go there,” I said.
“Not much I can do. ”
So I stayed here, streaming from the Philippines, stretching before a gym session, talking to strangers who were somehow becoming the support system I couldn’t rely on elsewhere. “When I’m in Singapore, I’ll have to find a friend to stay with,” I said. “Assuming I even find a place to live.
”
I let out a breath, counted to two, and smiled at the camera. “My dad’s a priority,” I said. “So it’s not that important, right?
”
