“You never come over anymore,” Sarah said. “Did I do something wrong? ”
I told her no, of course. I told her I’d been busy with classes and work.
But we both knew it was a lie. The truth was too heavy to say out loud: I was in love with her father. He was twenty years older than me. My own dad had never been kind, never asked about my art.
Robert was the first man who looked at me like I mattered. It started with simple conversations, a cup of tea whenever I came over. I told myself it was harmless. I told myself I was just grateful for the attention.
Then one evening Sarah stepped out, and Robert and I were alone in the kitchen. He looked at me differently. He didn’t look away. My chest tightened, and I knew something had shifted between us.
“You’re not just a child anymore, Jessica,” he said. That sentence undid me. I knew it was wrong. I knew Sarah would be destroyed.
But when we kissed, the world went silent. I didn’t think about age or friendship or consequences. I just felt alive for the first time in my life. We kept it secret after that.
I told Sarah I was borrowing books when I was really meeting him. I told her I was helping with the garden when I was really hiding in his arms. Every lie cut deeper, but I couldn’t stop. Then the guilt started eating me alive.
I cried at night because I wanted to shout my love to the world, but the world would call it wrong. I told Robert we had to tell Sarah. He said she would hate us both. We argued.
We held each other. We promised to find the right moment, but the moment never came. One day Sarah looked at me across the table while her father filled our glasses with lemonade. She didn’t see anything.
She didn’t know that our world had already changed forever. I sat there smiling, tearing myself apart inside. Now I live in two worlds. In one, I’m her best friend, the girl who laughs at her jokes and listens to her secrets.
In the other, I’m the woman her father loves. I don’t know how long we can keep this up. I don’t know if we’ll ever be brave enough to tell the truth. But no matter how much it hurts, I can’t walk away.
Because for the first time in my life, I know what real love feels like. And I’m terrified it will destroy everything I have.
