I’m 29, and I met Kim when she was 24, working at an upscale restaurant I ate at often. I asked her out several times before she finally said yes. By March 2022, we moved in together. I took her to meet my mom before that, and even though my mom can be intimidating, Kim charmed her completely.
My mom said it was the way Kim treated me and looked at me that won her over. Kim had dropped out of college in 2020 when COVID hit and lost her scholarship. She wanted her degree more than anything but couldn’t afford it. One day, my mom offered to pay her tuition.
Kim started back in the fall of 2023 at my alma mater, just 35 minutes from our house. I loved showing her around campus. The first semester was great. The second semester, red flags started showing.
Kim didn’t want me hanging around her friends anymore. She said my being six or seven years older made them uncomfortable. She also had a study group on Wednesday nights and an early class on Thursday mornings, so she started sleeping at a girlfriend’s house those nights. She wanted to go to Cancun for spring break alone with her girlfriends.
I offered to book the tickets, and she refused. Then some of her friends got invited to a frat party at my old frat house. I insisted on going with her because I knew what those parties were like. We fought until I stupidly caved.
When she got home from the party, it was late and she went straight to bed. Early the next morning, I slipped into the shower with her, which was normal for us. That’s when I saw bruises on her hips and butt. She said she got them playing volleyball drunk.
I know better. I’ve left bruises like that on her before. But the one she tried hardest to hide was a bite mark and a hickey on her breast. I wouldn’t listen to her lies.
I told her to leave. After she was gone, I reached out to one of my frat brothers. I knew his little brother lived in that frat house and was probably at the party. I explained everything, described Kim, and mentioned the purple flower tattoo on her hip.
He was very forthcoming. He sent me pictures and a short video. He was adamant she hadn’t been slipped anything and wasn’t that drunk. Kim came over the next day to get her stuff.
She tried to tell me it wasn’t as bad as I thought, that nothing really bad happened, and she wanted to put it past us and move on. The color left her face when I asked if she had ever seen a BJ contest where a group of girls raced to get their guy over the finish line first. Then I played the video for her. I told her one of my first lessons as a pledge was that there are two types of co-eds: the ones you date and the ones who come to frat parties.
I guess I now know which one she was. I told her until all those marks faded, I didn’t want to talk to her or even be around her. The fact that I might still have feelings for her disgusted me. I made her give back the keys to my house and my credit card she used for gas, books, and other expenses.
She has her own debit card, and I put money into her account so she has cash to spend. She has love-bombed me for days, promising to change. No overnights on campus. No parties or activities without me.
Coming home right after classes. She said she was stupid for listening to other people and letting them talk her into disrespecting me. Only a couple of my friends know what happened. I haven’t talked to many people out of shame.
I’m angry at myself for even entertaining the thought of giving her another chance. Finally, I got to talk to my mother without divulging the dirty details. I told her I had proof Kim was cheating and that I broke up with her. She was livid and said we would deal with it when she got home.
She asked if I was okay and told me to contact her lawyer if I needed anything. She offered again to cut her trip short and fly back. I told her there was no need. Then my older sister called.
She was already in her car heading to my house. We talked for almost the entire two-hour drive. When she got there, she made me box up all Kim’s remaining things and call her to come get them. Kim was not happy to see my sister there.
I think she thought I would be alone and she could soften me up and plead her case. I told her she had until the first of the month to figure out her car and health insurance. I didn’t want any contact with her again after that day. Kim begged for a cooling-off period, asked for counseling before we threw away the last three years.
My sister was a mean girl bully growing up, but I never heard her utter some of the words she used to verbally lash out at Kim. At one point, I almost felt sorry for Kim. Almost. We finally got all her stuff into her car.
My sister is staying with me for a few days in case Kim comes over and falsely accuses me of something. For clarification: Kim never got to go on spring break because I refused to buy her tickets. She didn’t know beforehand that the party was at the same frat house I belonged to in college. And I’m cutting her phone off on Monday and tying up the number so it can’t be ported.
The community says I’d be an idiot to go back to her. They say she’s probably done far more than what happened at that party. Let her friends support her through school, or she can go back to waitressing. Don’t make her future my problem.
She’s shown she’s trash. I know the red flags were there. Her wanting to exclude me from her college life. Spending nights away.
The Cancun trip. The frat party. Everything that came to light just confirmed what I already suspected. Now she’s trying to regain control rather than truly take accountability.
I know she’s not going to change. They never do.
