The first time I saw the name on his phone, my heart slammed against my ribs. G and I had driven up into the mountains for a romantic night. We sat in my car, sang along to the radio, and kissed under the moonlight. Everything felt perfect.
Then he said he needed the bathroom and left his phone on the seat. My gut screamed at me to look. I didn’t want to. I told myself to trust him.
But that feeling was louder than my doubts. I grabbed the phone and opened his messages. There they were—conversations with girls he had met the week before our trip. And worse, texts to his ex, where he talked crap about me.
I didn’t say a word. I waited for him to come back, then I told him I had to go. I started the car and drove off, leaving him standing alone on that dark mountain road. I didn’t go far.
I followed him in the dark, watching him walk and shiver, making sure he made it down safely. Just before he reached his house, I pulled up beside him and acted shocked. “Wait, you walked all the way down? I just went to pee.
How was I supposed to know you’d leave? ”
I picked him up, kissed him, and dropped him home. He never suspected a thing. For weeks, I kept my distance.
I told him work was busy. He begged to see me. Finally, one morning we had breakfast by the beach. Everything seemed calm until his phone rang.
I caught a glimpse of the name on the screen. Another girl. That’s when I decided to play the long game. I called my ex-best friend, L, and asked for her Facebook login.
“Isn’t G your boyfriend? ” she asked. “Yeah, but he won’t know it’s me. ”
For weeks, I catfished him as her.
I bought a burner phone. When he called, she answered. He was excited, turned on, completely hooked. We traded flirty messages like something out of a romcom.
Our one-and-a-half-year anniversary came around. G told me he got called into work and we would have to celebrate the next day. He was in the army, so I acted understanding. But that day, G texted L.
“Hey, sexy. I can’t wait to see you tonight. I called in sick for work. ”
I replied as her.
“Great. Can’t wait. Where do we meet? ”
“At the docks by the big clock.
I’ll be in a red t-shirt, black jeans, white sneakers. ”
“Perfect. Can I bring a friend with me? ”
“Sure, no problem.
Want me to bring my friend, too? ”
“Oh, no need. My friend is just dropping me off. See you soon.
”
“Hugs and kisses. ”
Meanwhile, my real phone got his message. “Baby, I’m so sad you have to work tonight. ”
“It’s my job, babe.
I can’t call in sick. ”
“I get it. I just wish we could celebrate. ”
“I know, baby, but we will tomorrow.
I love you. ”
It was the first time he ever said those words to me. I had a tiny sliver of hope he would change his mind, but he kept texting L, excited to meet her. So I borrowed my brother’s car—a car G had never seen.
I got dressed up. Hair, makeup, a sexy outfit. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a whole new girl. I texted him from the burner.
“I’m at the spot. Where are you? ”
“By the clock. ”
I walked up to him.
When he saw me, his face went pale. “What the hell are you doing here? ”
“Funny. I was going to ask you the same thing.
Oh wait, no, I wasn’t. Just so you know, I’m the one you’ve been texting, sweetie. Happy anniversary, prick. It’s over.
”
I told him everything. The messages I saw, the texts to his ex, the catfishing, the fake Facebook. He tried to apologize. He said it was his insecurities, that all the girls wanted him, that they meant nothing to him.
He said he loved me and that we were meant to be together. Then he messaged L afterward, asking, “What did you do to us? ”
She blocked him without replying. He gave up eventually.
Ten years later, L told me they met at her cousin’s wedding. He asked her out, but she said no because she was dating her now-fiancée. G ended up marrying the ex he had been texting behind my back. They have a daughter now.
But every now and then, I still get a text from him. “I miss you. I’m sorry. I still love you.
”
Gut feeling never lies. I’m glad I listened. Another story that comes to mind is about my 12-year relationship that ended overnight. My partner and I had always been affectionate.
He wouldn’t leave the house without a kiss goodbye. Then, in March, he left abruptly, citing problems he never mentioned before. His unhappiness, how he didn’t have fun anymore, his desire to be alone. He wouldn’t discuss it and started sleeping in the living room, disgusted by my existence, until he moved out.
Days after the breakup, I found the love letters and texts. He had been having an affair with his coworker. She was married with young kids, two and four. She asked her husband for an open marriage so she could date my ex.
Once her husband agreed, he left me. The affair partner remains platonically married and is still with my ex. Her husband also has a girlfriend. My ex lives with her half the week, and then stays at her house while the husband is at his girlfriend’s.
I learned this from a mutual friend who said, “I know it seems a little odd, but they love each other, I guess. ”
That hurt. Months later, my ex and I went completely no contact. I stopped asking about him and started moving on.
One weekend, I decided to go out for a drink. My mom was in the hospital with a cancer diagnosis and not doing well. I needed an escape. He walked in with the affair partner, smiling and laughing.
It was crushing. I got up and left before they saw me. They sent me back. It felt unfair that he got to be happy after being so cruel to me.
But over a year later, I can honestly say I don’t care anymore. I don’t care whether they stay together. They are two lost individuals who flipped their lives upside down to be together. When the new relationship energy wears off, they will face the same daily life they tried to escape.
I remember telling my therapist, “I don’t think I’ll ever stop thinking about him. ” She said, “You’ll surprise yourself. ”
I didn’t believe it then. But it’s true.
And then there’s the 56-year-old woman who shared her story. Married over 30 years, three boys, the perfect American dream life. Her husband started acting weird and working more. He distanced himself.
When he lost interest in sex, she knew something was very wrong. She went through his phone one night and found everything she didn’t want to see. He was having sex with his younger sister’s best friend. She saw pictures in their chats.
She sent everything to her phone and made copies. Two days later, she served him and told him to get out. She tried mediation to save money, but he dragged his feet to slow things down. She got fed up and met three divorce attorneys, putting a retainer on one.
When he received her attorney’s letter, he panicked. He showed up at her house Saturday afternoon in tears, telling her it was the biggest mistake of his life, that he cries himself to sleep, that he still loves her. He brought receipts from his counselor and phone bills to prove he was done with the affair partner. She told him the truth.
“You cheated on me. You were sleeping with your younger sister’s best friend. Even one time is absolutely disgusting and disrespectful. You broke the golden rule.
I always told you everything is fixable except infidelity. By your infidelity, you broke up our family and our life that we worked so hard for 30 plus years. We will never be together again. ”
The boys asked the real reason for the divorce, and she told them the truth because they were adults.
They were pissed. But she reminded them, “At the end of the day, he is still your father. Everybody makes mistakes in life. Your father is a good man and has always been a great father to you guys.
”
She told him she would only be around his family at their kids’ weddings. She refused to be the weak woman people gossip about. He can cry all he wants, but his actions spoke louder than any apology.
She left him sitting on her couch and walked out the door.
