I caught my wife cheating. She turned everyone against me. I dug out the truth and turned it all around on her. I’m in a really big mess right now and there’s nothing that I need more than advice that can get me out of it.
Using the word mess somehow makes it sound like it is my fault, but it really isn’t. I’m a victim in this from top to bottom and I blame my wife more than anyone else. She won’t be my wife for long, but I can’t even focus on divorce right now because there are bigger problems. She’s gone on a whole smear campaign against me.
And the problem is that people actually believe her, including people who I have known for way too long. I’ll take this back to the beginning. I, 30 male, got married to Victoria, 29, female, 3 years ago. We dated for close to 3 years before that.
Things have been good. We moved cities because she got a really good job offer and my work was mostly remote with a big company. I got a transfer to an office in the new state and she resumed her new job and everything seemed fine. We never had much to complain about, especially that early in the marriage.
I genuinely believe that we understood each other incredibly well and we communicated too. Even in retrospect, I don’t blame myself for thinking that everything was going smoothly. The problem started when I started to notice some slight bits of odd behavior from her. It was so minimal that I thought I could be mistaken, but when it continued, I realized that I wasn’t.
I’m talking about things like how she came in at night after a long day smelling of fresh perfume. This might sound weird, but she’d usually smell like faded perfume and a slight sweat. I liked it. It was even weirder when I realized I would smell it one night and then not smell it the next two or three nights.
If it had become a habit she was trying to adopt, I’d have expected to smell it every night. I asked her about it and she claimed she was doing it to smell good for me when she got back. She knew I liked how she smelled before, so that was off. There was also how on two occasions she called me and asked if I could help her get gas for her car because it ran out about 5 or 10 minutes away from the house.
The drive to work was about 25 minutes on a good day. That was weird because she almost never ran out of gas before. She bought a consistent amount every week and unless she went well out of her way, it would always suffice. She’s incredibly smart and that’s not part of the reason why she’d done so well in her career.
I helped her out on those two occasions and it never happened again. But I found it odd because I asked her how she didn’t keep an eye on the gas and she just claimed that she wanted to get home quickly and thought she’d be able to make it to the gas station on time the next morning. If that happened just once, I’d get it, but twice didn’t seem like her. Finally, I noticed that she was a little more guarded with her phone.
I wasn’t extremely obvious, but she’d text with the screen slightly tilted away from me sometimes and then not some the other times. Instead of her phone being on her nightstand, she’d have it in her hand or tucked under her pillow. And now she’d take it into the bathroom to play music from, which was something that she’d never done before. My first assumption wasn’t the worst because when you feel like you know someone well and you love them enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them, it is outrageous to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I assumed that there might have been something going on at work that was stressing her out and as a result she was more forgetful or trying to keep tabs on work things too often even when she was off the clock. I spoke to her and asked her if she was fine. She said that she was. I told her that I had noticed some quirks in her behavior and I had mentioned all of them that I’ve written here and then a few others that I can’t quite recall.
But she explained it away exactly as I expected. The business was working on a few big projects and she was really driving herself to the wall trying to take care of everything. She said she would forget to eat lunch some days, so it might have been low blood sugar frustrating her memory and her thinking too. She found a way to excuse everything and I told her that I understood because I really did.
She’d always been someone who aims high, so it seemed like the behavior of a person who was extremely career focused as she must have wanted in that moment. I let it go. In fact, I started to do on her more because she was the wife I had always wanted and I hated to see her so stressed out. I had to make sure that everything was good on her side of things.
Everything came crashing down suddenly. I didn’t see it coming because the day was so regular. I work remotely, but when I go on site, I’m usually there for the entire day because I’m in so little that there’s a lot for me to attend to. So, one day I went on site and Victoria knew that I left the house before her.
And when I did, she asked me to let her know when I was about to head back because she might want me to pick something up on the way back. There was a bakery much closer to my office, and she really liked some of their pastries. Nothing was off to me at that point, though. I can’t say that she made that kind of request before.
I usually pick something up on my own valition and surprise her with it. When I got to work that day, things weren’t hectic as they usually are. We had finished a new product launch about a week earlier, so there wasn’t as much to deal with in terms of new projects. Everyone was relatively calm, and even though I tried to stick around and make myself busy, I eventually ran out of things to do.
So, I decided to head back home. I didn’t bother calling her because I completely forgot that she had asked me to let her know when I was going to be back. It wasn’t part of our usual routine. Instead, I just picked up the usual assortment and then I headed home.
I noticed that there was a black sedan parked by the curb near our house, but it wasn’t too odd to me. It only jumped out because I’m a bit of a new car guy and it was really nice looking Audi. It stood out. However, I think the significance of that car hit me when I got into the house and almost immediately smelled unfamiliar perfume.
Victoria was meant to be at work. Her car was gone, as it was supposed to be. But I could tell someone was in the house and that was confirmed when she came rushing down the stairs seconds later with a bathrobe on. She was clearly uneasy and out of breath.
And she asked me what I was doing back so early. That was her first question. And that’s when I knew something was off. She tried to recover and kiss and hug me, but I pulled away.
I’m not stupid. And at that point, I started to fear that someone else was in the house. I headed towards the stairs, but she tried to block me with the excuse that I should go and drop the pastries off in the kitchen. I didn’t listen.
I just put them down and tried to head up the stairs, but at that point, she tried to physically block me, so I just pushed past her, admittedly quite roughly. However, she didn’t fall or anything. She didn’t try to stop me once I was up the stairs. I just heard her say, “Babe, wait.
Please wait. ”
I got into our bedroom and saw a man hastily dressing up beside the open window. Thinking of it, it was so clichéed. And if I hadn’t caught him, I wonder if he was actually going to try and climb out the window of the upper floor of the house.
I didn’t recognize the guy, but from the clothes he was putting back on, he seemed like a corporate type. I asked him who he was, but he only said, “Look, man, I didn’t know. ” I ignored that and asked him again while he was rushing to dress up. He told me that they worked in the same building.
He claimed he had no idea that she was married. I saw him look towards the door and that’s when I realized that Victoria was in the doorway with her hands on her head. She looked very panicked. The guy had finished dressing up and he stepped towards me but very slowly because at that point he had no idea how I would react.
I’m not a naturally violent person so didn’t come to me to hit him or shove him. Instead, when I could tell that he wanted to leave, I just stepped aside and let him. I heard his car start up and barely a minute later, everything hit me all at once. I remember that I just sank to the floor in the bedroom.
I couldn’t find tears in me, but I felt so broken. It was supposed to be a regular day and everything just fell apart. It almost felt like I was losing my mind with the amount of thoughts that were going through my head in that moment. I didn’t even know what to do or how I was meant to handle things.
I don’t know how long I sat there, but when I looked towards the doorway again, I saw Victoria covering her mouth and crying. I don’t know if it was how I looked on the floor that made her realize how bad things were or whether it was simply the fact that she got caught in her affair. I told her that she had to go and I said it very calmly. She said she wanted to talk about things, but I told her that there was nothing to talk about.
What had happened was incredibly clear and there was no reason for me to prolong my trauma. I told her she could pack as many things as she needed, but she had to go. Looking back, I don’t remember her saying she was sorry or expressing remorse at any point. I asked her why she did it, but her answer to me was, “I don’t know.
”
At that point, I realized I had nothing to say to her, and I wanted her to pack and leave. Once she had packed, she came up to me and tried to touch me, but I swatted her hand away very hard. Then, as if she thought it was some kind of movie, she tried to embrace me from where I was seated on the ground. I shoved her away and she fell backwards.
She looked at me shocked, but I don’t know why she was shocked because she had just cheated on me and she shouldn’t have expected me to be ready to accept an embrace from her. After that, she left the house without saying anything else. Now, this is what I think is the most important part of the story because it is what I’m dealing with right now, and it is destroying my life. I didn’t know where Victoria went to, and to be honest, I didn’t care.
I just tried to pick my life up from where it had stopped. I knew I’d meet a divorce lawyer at some point, but I wasn’t concerned of it at that point because I was dealing with too much and I knew I could get it done within a month when I felt more ready to deal with the stress. It was at that point that I got a message from one of my friends. Let’s call him Sam.
I’ve known him for ages. We met when I have been 22 or 23 and we hit it off pretty great. He’s one of my closest friends. It was insane when he called me and started with hitting women now are we?
We mess around, but his tone made it clear how serious he was. I asked him what he was talking about, and he warned me not to play dumb because he was already pissed off. He said that Victoria came to him in confidence to tell him that I had hit her and that I had been hitting her on occasion since we got married. I told him that it was a lie and he knew it was a lie, but he said he wasn’t sure that he knew it was a lie because she had shown him pictures of bruises she had.
I asked him to send the pictures and when he did, I was at least half sure that she had taken those pictures soon after we had our confrontation because she had a red mark on her arm and her upper chest. There were no bruises, but just those red spots, which I assumed were from when I slapped her arm and pushed her. I explained to Sam that everything that happened happened because she had been cheating on me and I came home and surprised her. She was just mad that I caught her.
According to Sam though, she said that she had been cheating because I wasn’t the man she married and she needed an escape. I asked him why he was defending her so much and not even trying to hear my side. We’d been friends for ages and he knew me well, but he didn’t want to act like he knew me in that moment. He said he wasn’t going to let his personal bias cloud things.
He grew up with five sisters and he hated when men put them through trouble. He said that she had pictures. I only had my word. and he said that the fact that she admitted she had been cheating was enough reason for him to believe her because most people wouldn’t admit to that.
I let him know that I was done talking to him and I hung up. Then I called Victoria immediately, but she refused to pick up. I sent many angry messages, but she didn’t respond to those either. I had no idea where she had gone to, but I gambled and went straight to her parents’ place.
By the time I got out of the car, her dad had come out of the house, and he warned me not to get close. I was sure she was in the house at that point. So, I told him that I only wanted to talk to Victoria, but he said he wouldn’t let me. So, you can hit her again?
You lucky I haven’t effed you up already. At that point, I realized what was going on. I caught her cheating and she was losing. She chose to win by telling lies and controlling the narrative.
Because her story got to people first, they would tend to believe it over whatever I had to say, especially since I don’t have evidence. Besides her parents and Sam, I’ve learned two other people who she has told this story to. I don’t know how many more there are because I’m getting anxious whenever I try to call one of her friends. I’m scared that the person will call me, a wife beater, or put me in an uncomfortable situation where I try to deny something I never did.
I’d really need help figuring things out in this situation. And genuinely, I would appreciate all of any advice that you can all spare. Please help me escape the situation because it has become my word against hers and her word is winning. Edit: Thank you to everyone who has read and commented.
I agree that recording a confession might be the only way I can save myself, but I can’t figure out how I’ll make that work. The moment that things start to sound too pointed, she’ll sus me out. I can’t have that. But I’ll think along those lines to see what I can come up with.
Update one. Hello everyone. I’m back with an update on the last post I made about my cheating wife who was trying to ruin my life. I took your advice and I think I might have just made my very first big win in a long time.
I was able to get a recording of Victoria admitting to trying to destroy my life and lying and I think it will change everything. I tried everything I could to reach out to Victoria, but she clearly didn’t want me being able to access her, probably to make her whole spectacle even more convincing. At that point, I had only one friend who was very clearly on my side, which felt nice after everything. I mean, my wife cheated on me and then she turned most of the people I knew well against me.
I didn’t deserve it at all. I eventually sent her an email and thankfully for me, she responded there, though she was clearly playing a role. I asked her why she was lying and why she wasn’t answering any of my calls. I said that we needed to talk.
She said that there was nothing to talk about and there was no reason to go back to her abuser. I said that all I needed was to meet her and that I wouldn’t mind doing it in a very public place. I told her that she had won and I wanted to know what her terms were. I let her know that we could discuss a divorce, too, and I’d let her have what she wanted if she’d stopped ruining my life.
She said nothing to acknowledge that her side of the story was false, but she said that she’d agree to see me. I knew for a fact that if we met, she wouldn’t admit to anything unless she was 100% sure that I wasn’t recording her or anything. I was preparing for that. And even though it was a long shot, I knew she wouldn’t resist the chance to gloat if it felt safe.
So, I hired a PI and his only job that day was to follow me and record everything that happened around me as closely as he could. I didn’t know what he looked like because I hired him online and didn’t bother for a physical meeting. When we met up in public, the first thing she said was, “Your phone? ” I acted surprised and asked why she wanted it, but her response was her threatening to leave.
So, I handed it over and I acted defeated. When she checked it, she saw that I was recording. She laughed and turned off my phone. I asked her why she was doing what she was doing to me.
I told her that she had been in the wrong for cheating on me. Yet, she was still trying to ruin my life. She told me that she couldn’t explain it, but she hated that I caught her. She wasn’t trying to ruin our marriage.
According to her, she still loved me, even when she was cheating, and it was just supposed to be something for her on the side. But, I ruined it, and that upset her. It was supposed to go perfectly. I ruined it and she was afraid that I’d tell everyone she cheated on me.
She’s always cared about how people receive her. So, it all started to really make sense. I told her that I might not have told anyone, but she said she didn’t believe me because I was hurt and hurt men like to humble women. She said she was sorry she made me such a casualty, but she didn’t regret it.
She said that the moment I kicked her out of the house was when she knew there was no point begging since a divorce was imminent. She said she only told a few people, but I told her that it was a few too many people. She only shrugged. I told her I hated how casually she was taking it, but she didn’t seem to care, and it wasn’t surprising behavior.
Like I said in my last post, she’s very smart, and the problem with that is she can be incredibly pragmatic as a result. To a fault, I used to like that when it had to do with career and business moves, not my life. I got up, told her to f herself, grabbed my phone, and left. She didn’t seem moved by anything I said, and she sat there by herself until I was gone.
Much later, I received the recording of the conversation. It had enough volume, and it was only slightly drowned out by the background noise. The PI must have been sitting in one of the adjoining tables at the food court we spoke at, but I was too engrossed in the convo to pick him out. But I have what I need, and that’s what matters the most to me.
I’ll finish things up from here, though some damage can’t be redone. Update two. This will hopefully be my last update on this. And trust me when I say I’m saying that with plenty of joy.
I got a recording of Victoria admitting indirectly that she had been lying when she claimed I hit her after I caught her cheating. Simultaneously, I sent it to my former good friend Sam, Victoria’s parents, and all of the other people who I had confirmed she had told the story to. Then I had a thought and decided to send it to as many other people that I felt she might have told her story to. For those ones, I had a text to explain the situation.
I liked that move because even if she hadn’t told some of them, I was doing the exact same thing she had done and exposing her, except that this time it was true. Sam tried to call me and I didn’t pick up the first two times. The third time he asked me if the recording was real. I asked why I’d even ask that.
He apologized. He said he knew that I wasn’t the kind of person to be violent, but her story made a lot of sense. I understood his point, but I told him that despite the fact that we had been friends for so long, he automatically decided to side with her and didn’t even attempt to understand my side. I accepted an apology, but told him we couldn’t be friends any longer.
The loyalty wasn’t there. Her parents didn’t call me. Needless to say, even if they knew she had been wrong, they would never admit it and make their little girl look bad. I had two other people call to apologize that they had picked the wrong side.
Victoria called me, but she spent most of the call crying. She couldn’t even try and be angry at me because all that had happened was that I outsmarted her. I didn’t play dirty like she did. I didn’t say anything to all her crying because it felt like everything with her could be her trying to screw me over and frame me.
I just hung up. It honestly feels great to know that everyone knows the truth and that they know the truth about this woman that they all love so much. I’m finally at a point where I can focus on the divorce proceedings. And the best part is I’ll be doing it with fantastic evidence in my hand.
I might come up with another update for the divorce, but if not, thank you for following me on this journey, encouraging me, giving me advice, and telling me how I messed up at various stages. I genuinely appreciate the support. Edit: Victoria and I are now officially divorced. I felt like absolute crap ever since I caught her cheating, but today might have been the first day I was even a little happy.
The judge was very unimpressed by her behavior and her lies, and as a result, I got to stay in our apartment. I kept all the furniture and I don’t need to send a dime her way. I also managed to get her a protective order since I feared for my safety around someone who could go to such lengths to frame me. The judge said she didn’t deserve any coddling at all, which is why things went the way they did and she didn’t get anything.
This is the best case scenario for a man who was cheated on, and I’m glad that it has gone this way.
