I turned around at exactly the wrong second. Marie was staring at me from across the party, her face completely blank. I knew that look. I had seen it a hundred times before, and I knew the headache that was coming with it.
I had been talking to Jennifer for maybe twenty minutes. We were both big fans of Black Mirror, and I’d mentioned my wife early in the conversation. It was just two people geeking out over a TV show. But Jennifer was well-endowed, and she laughed a lot, and she was touchy when she did.
I knew it was going to be a problem. I just didn’t know how big of a problem. I didn’t get her number. I didn’t ask for it.
I just said, “I’ll see you around,” because it wasn’t worth wrecking my marriage over a potential friend. In the car on the way home, Marie said, “You looked like you were having a lot of fun with that woman. ”
“Can we talk about this when we get home? ” I asked.
“I want to focus on the road. ”
She shook her head, but I didn’t engage. I waited until we got inside, sat down on the couch, and counted the minutes until the tirade started. It took about three.
“What was your deal with that woman? ”
“Her name is Jennifer. ”
That was a mistake. Giving her a name made it real for Marie.
From that point on, she called her “witch” or “whore” every time she mentioned her. “We were talking about TV shows,” I said. “That’s it. You could have come over and joined us.
I told her I was married right away. I didn’t even take her number. ”
“I don’t believe you. ”
I knew exactly why Jennifer was different from every other woman I’d talked to that night.
It was because of her chest. I asked Marie if she really thought I would turn into some kind of barking dog just because someone had big breasts. “Isn’t that how all you men are? ” she asked.
“I have never been unfaithful to you,” I said. “I’ve never given you any reason to think I would be. ”
Then she hit me with details I hadn’t even registered. She claimed I was staring at Jennifer’s cleavage when she spilled her drink.
She claimed Jennifer pressed her breasts into my arm. The funny thing was, both of those things had actually happened. But they had barely registered with me at the time. I had forgotten about them within minutes.
Marie saw it all as a seductress working her magic, and me falling for it like the average guy. “Why wouldn’t I feel threatened? ” she said. “I don’t have what she has, and I know that’s what you want.
”
I sighed. I was close to walking out. But then I went soft instead. I told her I loved her.
I told her she was beautiful. I told her I wasn’t some ape who would lose his mind over a pair of breasts and forget the woman I married. It calmed her down. I thought that was the end of it.
I should have known better. The very next day, I had to stay at work late to finish a project. I texted Marie to let her know. I stopped to grab dinner for us on the way home, which made me about two and a half hours late.
That was it. When I walked in, she was in a bad mood. I tried to kiss her. She turned her face away and shoved me back slightly.
“Where were you? ” she demanded. “The truth. ”
“I was at work,” I said.
“The project ran late. I stopped to get dinner. ”
She laughed. “I’m not stupid.
I know where you really went. ”
It took me a few seconds. Then it clicked. “You think I went to Jennifer’s place?
”
She told me she just knew there was something between us. She knew I was lying through my teeth. I was so disappointed that one of the first thoughts I had was that I couldn’t keep doing this. “I don’t have her number,” I said.
“I don’t care enough about her to have gotten it. I can call five people right now who will vouch that I was at work less than an hour ago. ”
“They’re all men,” she said. “They’ll take your side no matter what.
”
There was no point in talking. She was going to believe whatever she wanted to believe. I stopped responding and went upstairs to sleep, letting her tire herself out. The next day, I came home and she wasn’t there.
She had texted that she was picking up groceries. But we had gotten a full load of groceries two weeks earlier, and there was still plenty in the house. When she came back, she didn’t have any bags. “Where are the groceries?
” I asked. She smiled and said, “Oh, yeah,” like she had just remembered. I asked if they were in the car. She didn’t answer.
I went to check. There was nothing. I confronted her. She smirked and said, “You’re nosey about everything.
You can’t figure it out? ”
I told her I couldn’t. Then she said she was trying to be like me. When I asked her what she meant, she told me she had done exactly what I had done the night before.
I asked if she had gone to see a man. She smirked but didn’t answer. I asked why she did it. She said it was because I had done the same thing.
Then I asked the question I was afraid to ask. “Did you cheat on me? ”
She didn’t say anything. That silence was all the answer I needed.
I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I couldn’t believe it. I was being punished for talking to a woman for a few minutes at a party. She insisted I was lying.
She claimed I had gotten Jennifer’s number. She claimed my excuse about working late didn’t make sense because I almost never came home late. I yelled at her. I admitted that yes, Jennifer was endowed, and yes, I had noticed, because I have eyes.
But her breasts weren’t enough for me to want to betray my wife. Then she said the words that broke whatever was left in me. “Well, this guy has a bigger dick than you, so I guess we’re equal now. ”
I stared at her for a few seconds.
Dark thoughts ran through my head. Then I turned and walked out of the house. She had cheated on me to prove a point in an argument that only existed inside her head. She didn’t want someone else.
She just wanted to punish me for a crime I never committed. When I came back, I packed my essentials. I took a video of the house before I left. I knew she wouldn’t leave, and I knew I couldn’t stay there with her.
I filed for divorce. It took a while, and it was stressful, but it finally went through. Marie barely had a job. She sold things she made on Etsy, but that was it.
I was the one bringing in the money. So I ended up paying her alimony for a few years. I hated it. I wanted a clean split.
But I wasn’t going to be lucky enough to get that. The house went to her. I didn’t care. She’ll probably sell it because she won’t be able to handle the mortgage on her own.
But that’s none of my business anymore. What Marie didn’t realize when she was so busy being terrible to me was that I was the entire reason she lived the life she lived. We weren’t poor people. We had a nice house.
She had a nice car. We ate good food. We traveled at least once a year. But all of that was on my dime.
Now she’s trying to keep up that lifestyle on alimony alone. It won’t work. Her sister told me that Marie went to crash with her for a few days because she was lonely. While she was there, I made sure to mention that she had cheated on me.
Her sister didn’t know. All she knew was that I had supposedly cheated on Marie over some woman at a party. When I told her the truth, I could tell she believed me right away. Marie was also being obnoxious at her sister’s house.
Her sister doesn’t have as much money as we did, and Marie expected too much from her. It frayed her sister’s nerves. Then Marie started posting old vacation photos, trying to make it look like she was living her best life. It was sad to watch.
Oh, and I found Jennifer on Facebook. She’s good-looking and we have similar interests. I’m single now. If it spites Marie, that’s just a very desirable side effect.
But I’m not doing it for her. I’m done letting a woman like that have that much power over my existence.
